Carnage Incarnate
by THESONICVAMPIRE
Summary: Harry and friends return late to school, to find that a deadly virus has taken hold of Hogwarts. But the virus ain't as deadly as they think...
1. Prologue

AND IN THE BEGINNING...

Hey guys, just to say, I will update maybe later today, so yeah. This will be heavily based on Resident Evil. I will add a few OC'S, based on my friends, so, here is a list.

Greg: Gregory Samaras

Luc: Dustin Jelavic

Kate: Misty Valentine

Hannah: Professor Healy

Mark: Mario Spaghetti (He's Italian)

AND ...MANY... MORE!

A virtual cookie to whoever can tell me which characters play or have played with Rangers Football (soccer) team.

DO NOT BE FOOLED ON HOW SHORT THIS IS. The first chapter will be considerably longer. Updates will most likely be weekly, but don't quote me on that. So, keep your eyes peeled, and watch out for zombie magic.


	2. Murder most Fowl

CARNAGE INCARNATE

Hey guys, this is my first ever story on the site, so if it sucks, blame JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER!

Chapter One: Harry Potter And the Goblet of Zombies.

Harry, Ron and Hermione stood outside Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters. They had missed the train.

"GOD DAMN IT DOBBY, I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!" Harry shouted.

"HARRY!" Hermione scolded.

"What is it?"

"You know how I feel about house elf cruelty!"

Harry fell silent. Ron looked at him apologetically. The redhead sighed.

"Look Hermione, he didn't mean it like that."

"You know he did Ronald!"

Rammstein- Mutter blasted out from Harry's phone.

"Yo,"Said Harry "Who is this?

"I'm your nightmare..."

"Gary Glitter?"

"What! NO!"

"Voldemort?"

"NO!"

"Charizard?"

"Yes, I'm a Pokemon from the mystical continent of Kanto."

"Go Pokeball!"

"You just hit the phone with a pokeball didn't you?"

"Maybe..."

"If I ever see you in person, I will rip out your spleen, shit on it, and make you eat it RAW!"

"Yum, spleen!"

"I hate you."

"Aww, can't we be friends?

"No."

"Please?"

"NO!"

"I'll give you a cookie..."

"I hate cookies."

"... what."

"I hate cookies."

"IF I EVER SEE YOU IN PERSON, I WILL CUT A HOLE IN THE SIDE OF YOUR SKULL AND RAPE YOU!"

Hermione grabbed the phone.

"Hello? Who is this? If you tell me, I'll be a naughty girl..."

Click!

"Huh. Bastard hung up. Must be gay or something."

"Or Charizard doesn't like human girls."

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Meanwhile at Hogwarts...

Hungry... Lonely... Must feed... Yummy... BLUEGH!...Apple ...Need meat... Snape... Naked... Meat hanging... Yummy...

Snape looked down to see a much disorientated Dumbledore sprinkling salt and pepper on his cock.

"Ah, master. Ready for round two?"

Snape got a little worried when the Headmaster bit his manhood clean off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

Dumbledore... Gay... microwave... Cook meat for two minutes till tender... Sprinkle with salt... garnish with mustard... Hot Dog... Natural ingredients... Why... Is there... mayonnaise... leaking out ... of the dog... Salty...

Snape stood up. A green tinge took over his face. He left for the dungeons.

After all, Slytherin house were the biggest...

Presently at The Burrow...

Harry, Ron & Hermione stood in the soaking September rain, wishing that they could perform the drying spell. Molly opened the door, and hurried them inside.

"Oh, you poor dears! Come in, let's get you warmed up and off to Hogwarts!"

"Thanks, mum."

After a warm meal, the trio said their goodbyes to The Weasley parents, and stepped into the fireplace. They all said, at the exact same time, "The Three Broomsticks!" and they were gone.

"Oh my!" Said Madam Rosmerta, seeing the trio tumble out of the fireplace. She quickly got them sat at a table, and they had a nice Butterbeer to warm up. Harry and Hermione said their thanks, and left, dragging Ron behind them, who had been hypnotised by Rosmerta's massive swaying bosom.

They walked up to the castle together, and said a lot about the school year ahead, Hermione talking about lessons, Ron about the Quidditch season, and Harry, about how his snowy owl, Hedwig, was probably up at the castle that very minute.

An old beggar walked up to the trio, but he wasn't looking for money. He leered and moaned at Hermione, Moving in. Before the trio could move, or even say a word, the man had sunk his teeth into Hermione's finger. She screamed, and Ron, quick as a flash, pulled out his wand and blasted the man fifty feet into the air. He landed in a crumpled heap several dozen feet away.

Hermione reached into her bag, and pulled out a small bottle of Dittany. She applied it to her finger, and the cut soon healed, but left a very prominent scar. The trio walked on, extremely shaken, and soon reached the castle. Harry reached up, and pulled open the door, leading the group into total darkness...

AN: So, what do you think? Sorry it isn't as long as I thought, but I'm about to get kicked off. Updates coming soon!


End file.
